Fear and Love

I've always loved the passage about Jesus and the rich young ruler...not the sad part, but the part where we're told that Jesus looked at him and loved him. I want to be able to do that.

The trouble I have is that when I see young men approaching me on the street, my first reaction usually isn't love, but fear. I guess having a semiautomatic hand gun held to my chin by a young man last year has a lot to do with that.

This afternoon I was walking to my car across the street from the house and encountered a man walking down the sidewalk across from me. Not wanting to give in to fear, I intentionally greeted him and asked him how he was doing. Since I was hoping for a nice little head nod, I was startled when he stopped, crossed the tree lawn, and started talking to me.

I didn't look him in the eye and love him. Actually I'm not even sure what he said at first since I was studying every motion of his hands and asking myself what I had brought upon myself.

It turns out that what I had brought upon myself was a conversation about what I would do if I were on a bus downtown and suddenly needed to go to the bathroom. This man said he got off the bus and found an alley and, well, took care of business. Apparently someone had come across him and had scowled or cursed him or somehow communicated disgust. He was ashamed. He told me he had tried hard to find a place where no one would see him. He wanted to know if I understood. What would I have done?

I tried to say some reassuring things, but I have to admit, I was still thinking about how this could be a long, albeit very odd, introduction to a mugging. Apparently he felt some reassurance and decided to move on. I think we were both, shall I say, relieved, but for different reasons. He because someone seemed to understand his actions, and me because I didn't get robbed.

Tonight in church one of the readings was from 1 John: "There is no fear in love: but perfect love drives out fear because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us."

I want to be able to look at men approaching me on my street and love them.